Articles for the Month of April 2014

When The Fight Never Ends: When to Seek Marriage Counseling

By Cathy Neville, LPC on April 18, 2014
  • Sex. Money.
  • The kids. The chores.
  • The house. The car. The job.
  • The laundry. The cooking. The in-laws.
  • Everything. Anything.

The topic might change, but the fight is the same.

  • No resolution. No agree to disagree. No kiss and make up.
  • Just anger, resentment, silence, then battling again.

Sound familiar?

iStock_000009063136SmallMarriage is hard work.

Sometimes, it’s too hard to win the war without help.

So, when is it time to call a marriage counselor?

When the following experiences are way too common:

Disagreement Deja Vu –when conflict is killing your connection

Are your fights replayed and rehashed over and over? Is there one particular argument that keeps coming up? Do you name call or pick fights with each other instead of saying what you really wish you could? Are you exhausted from the moments of all-out war and hours of stone-cold silence?

If you feel like a battle is always there, beneath the surface, ready to disturb the peace, you need help with problem solving and conflict resolution. A professional marriage counselor can offer clues to the unhealthy conflict patterns and suggest ideas for change.

Communication Collapse– when communication becomes a chore

How much dialogue and intimate conversation happens between you and your partner anymore? When was the last time you talked about anything beyond the surface of your lives? Are your conversations marked by indifference, sarcasm, or a defensive tone? Do you feel constantly misunderstood?

If communication comes to a standstill and every discussion becomes a debate, seek out a counselor with an objective ear. Marriage counseling can equip you with the skills and tools necessary to ensure conversations are healthy, respectful opportunities for deeper connection.

Broken Bonds- when emotional/ relational distance becomes the norm

Where is the love? Do you still say, “I love you”? Do you mean it? How do you and your partner spend time together? Are you lovers or simply roommates? Do you find yourself trying to get away from your mate or annoyed with his or her attempts at affection?

If you are experiencing this kind of interaction interference, act now to restore the joy and passion in your relationship. Seek the advice of a marriage therapist who can help close the gap between you.

Problem Partner– when you believe your partner makes you unhappy

Do you believe you’re better off alone? Is there someone, somewhere you think will make you happier? Do you say to yourself, “If my partner would change, then I would be happy?”

If you or your partner feels like your happier lives and better selves are blocked by the other’s long list of character flaws, you may need help with perspective. Enlist the neutral support of a counselor. A therapist may be able to give you fresh eyes and bring into focus the partner you used to know and love.

Marital Minefields- when the unexpected ruptures your relationship

Have you experienced a great loss during the course of your relationship? Are you dealing with the stress of a major life change or event? Have you or your partner been unfaithful? Does the threat of divorce now hang over your relationship, ready to bring the hammer down on your marriage?

With one foot out the door, it is difficult to restore your relationship. To find lost love, it’s crucial that you get help. Commit to guiding your marriage to solid ground. Employ the skill of a counselor trained for the unique challenges of a couple in crisis.

  • Couples fight and feelings change.
  • You can turn it around. Call a counselor.
  • Fight for your marriage.
  • Win the war.