What to do when you just want to “get over it.”
You thought your relationship would last forever.
You thought you could let it go.
You’re ready to put it behind you.
- Let your heart break. Don’t deny yourself the full measure of your grief. The truth is, you are faced with an unexpected future. Your partner’s exit created an upsetting hole in your life and plans. Grief is a healthy process, meant to move you through the shock and pain of your lost relationship. Acceptance, appreciation, and a new kind of relationship wisdom are important gifts of the breakup. Life must go on; productive grief shows you how.
- Take Phenomenal Care of Yourself. You won’t feel like it at first. It may be a struggle to stop nursing your broken heart. You might be reminded that your ex’s toothbrush is no longer there. You may miss his or her towel on the floor. You should brush your teeth anyway. You should still eat every meal, get on the treadmill, shower everyday, wear clean clothes, and drink 8 glasses of water. Trash the cigarettes. Ignore the alcohol. You still deserve to be taken care of. Do a good job.
- Re-establish Your Fan Club. Chances are you’ve been so deeply buried in your relationship that you neglected that last girls’ or guys’ night out, skipped a few meet-ups at the gym, or failed to return a few calls. It’s time to push thoughts of that broken relationship to the back of your mind for a while. Bring old friends and new acquaintances back into your life. They like you. They want to be with you. You’re better off with them.
- Get Real. Tell yourself the truth about your former relationship. Avoid sugar-coating the past. Share the challenges and lessons learned with a trusted friend or professional counselor. Embrace the reality. Accept that there will be challenges as you navigate your feelings, interactions with your former relationship partner, and other practical concerns that may accompany the breakdown of your relationship. It’s natural to long for lost connections, but be realistic about how and why the relationship ended. Remind yourself that there are solid reasons for your break up.
- Close the Door. Resist the urge to scope out your ex’s social media pages. Avoid spending too many nights rehashing the particulars of your loss. Don’t call, text, or pursue a premature friendship. Give yourself the necessary time and space to heal. You will have regrets. You may long for the best days of your past relationship. It’s only natural, but don’t turn back. Life and new connections are calling you. Move on.
- Get Out There. Take a good look around. Listen. No one is telling you “no.” Now is your time. Your broken relationship can help you break free of limits and restrictions you’ve placed on yourself. Be adventurous. See what life has to offer. You are free and unencumbered. Investigate new hobbies. Plan a trip. Fill your social calendar.
- Define yourself and name your terms. You probably learned a few things in all this. Choose your future. Use your past relationship as a training ground for understanding your wants and needs. You don’t have to settle for unhappiness, loneliness, or insecurity. You don’t have to be defined by rejection, loss, or your broken heart. Who do you want to be now?
It’s time to smile again.
You can grieve, survive, and repair your broken heart.
You can be better, stronger, wiser.